Barron Trump Builds Tree House — No Girls, Syrians Allowed

By HUGO HENTOFF Feb. 21, 2017

Barron Trump, with the help of several Secret Service agents, finished construction of a two-story tree house on the front lawn of the White House last week. Today, the ten-year-old issued an indefinite ban on any girls or Syrians attempting to enter the arboreal fortress.

barron-trump-builds-treehouse
                                      Illustration by Arah Kang

“We have no idea who these girls or Syrians are. What kinds of toys do they play with? Do they like different cartoons than we do? Are they terrorists? Maybe some girls and some Syrians are okay, but I don’t want to risk one of the bad ones slipping in,” stated Barron through a plastic cup attached by thirteen feet of yarn to another plastic cup held by a reporter on the ground.

While the tree house was under construction Barron had reportedly promised a small group of girls and Syrians entry under the condition they provided documentation proving an absence of both cooties and chemical weapons. However, once the aspiring playmates completed the complicated vetting process, Barron denied ever making the agreement and banned them from the wooden fortress.

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