By HUGO HENTOFF May 11, 2017
WASHINGTON — The Senate Intelligence Committee has informed former national security advisor Michael Flynn that, as a part of the continuing probe into the Kremlin’s efforts to manipulate the 2016 election, it has subpoenaed any and all Russia-related documents he may possess. The Intelligence Committee waited for Flynn to use the bathroom and then told the Nation to get ready for the best surprise party ever.
Chairman of the Intelligence Committee Richard Burr (R-N.C) whispered to the entire United States of America, except for Flynn, who was in the bathroom, “Guys, guys, seriously, guys, get ready for the best freaking party of the year. Mikey’s going to walk in and think he has to hand over all of his incriminating files, but really it’s going to be a righteous keger.”
The Committee was notified that Flynn would be back soon when they heard him singing a final goodbye to his pet fish, Dandelion, that he had been keeping in his breast pocket for emotional support.
Vice Chairman Mark Warner (R-V.A) quickly told everyone in all 50 states and the nicer parts of Puerto Rico to, “Be cool when he gets back, OK? Just pretend that we’re totally gonna subpoena him and that no one is planning to surprise him with a totally sick rager.”
When the Committee heard Flynn’s footsteps from the hall they quickly tried to look busy by taping photos of various Russian government officials next to photos of Trump campaign staffers on the wall and then arbitrarily connecting them with red string with their brows furrowed.