By: Isa Fernandez

Scott Johnson ‘25 has proven himself to be a star, not only on the field, but on the stage as well. After realizing he had made it to his senior year without meeting all five distribution requirements, Johnson scrambled to change his schedule. The only VPA class that didn’t conflict with football’s rigorous schedule of lifting and leaving beer cans around Lighthouse was Intro to Acting. To his and his fellow classmates’s surprise, Johnson proved to be a natural at performing. Maybe it’s due to the years of pretending the football team is good, but theater came to him as easily as his Title IX violation. 

Coach BJ Hammer was disappointed to lose one of his star players. Harpoon reporters asked Coach Hammer for a quote on the loss, but had to edit it down due to some “colorful” language. Hammer says he was “absolutely livid that there’s been a [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] liberal [redacted] on his team the whole time”. We cannot say the same for Johnson’s teammates, who were more than happy to support their friend (and have another excuse to pregame something) in his acting endeavors. The entire football team has purchased tickets for Johnson’s opening night performance, and they plan on giving him a bouquet of Zyns during final bows. The sales from opening night alone have saved the art department, so be on the lookout for a full renovation of Pickard next semester! 

We’d like to praise Johnson for finally bridging the athlete-NARP divide. Perhaps this will mark a new era for Bowdoin College. One of unity and joy. One where the Men’s Lax team will finally let me into a party. A NARP can only dream. 

Come show your support for Scott Johnson in his breakout role for The Wizard of OZ as Dorothy!