Category: Bowdoin

Vans Headed to Polls Create Major Pileup on Maine Street

by JACOB BASKES Mar. 3, 2020

Today is Super Tuesday—the one day during election season in which 14 states head to the polls. In order to encourage campus participation in the Democratic primaries, vans have been leaving campus every thirty seconds to take students to their local polling place. The high number of vans, however, along with the fact that a majority of drivers are from California, have led to a seventeen-van pileup in downtown Brunswick.

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New NatGeo Study: Mules May be Sterile but Polar Bears Can’t Stop Masturbating

by LIA KORNMEHL

In their January 2020 newsletter, National Geographic’s bi-annual Animal Sexual Activity (ASA) Report detailed that while mules are still sterile, new evidence shows that polar bears masturbate an average of 18 hours a day. The data was recorded from a study of 37 polar bears, or virtually the planet’s entire remaining polar bear population.

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Is He a First Year I Haven’t Met or the Junior Everyone Tells Me is “So Cool”?

by LIA KORNMEHL

You see him sitting two tables down from yours in Moulton Dark Room. He’s not wearing anything especially noticeable, and his face screams, “I’m a normal human being.” You furrow your brow in deep thought. Was he in your first semester thirty-five-person Microeconomics class? Or did he just return from a four-month jaunt in Amsterdam or London or Chile? 

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Wi-Fi Crashes After an Influx of Insta and Snapchat Stories of the First Snow

by WILL HAUSMANN Nov. 18, 2019

After a peaceful few weeks without an email from the BSG Ad-hoc committee on Wi-Fi, it seemed as though Bowdoin’s Wi-Fi ailments were solved. Some students even reported the ability to watch a full episode of the Magic School Bus for their Biology class without ever having to turn off their Wi-Fi and then turn it back on. 

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Black Ice: Randy Nichols Mows Down Sophomore Crossing Maine Street

by JACOB BASKES Nov. 13, 2019

In an email sent on Tuesday evening, Head of Bowdoin Safety and Security Randy Nichols warned that roads around campus had become dangerous as a result of the previous day’s freezing rain. Seventeen minutes later, Nichols sent out a follow-up email announcing that he had run over a sophomore boy crossing the street outside of MacMillan house.

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Monsanto Buys Bowdoin Organic Garden

by JACK SHANE Nov. 6, 2019

Since pledging to give a whole 72 cents more to housekeepers over 32 years, Bowdoin has desperately been trying to find ways to raise the money to pay for this exceptional wage increase. According to a recent press release from the Bowdoin Organic Garden, Bowdoin may have found the saving grace in the form of cancer-causing, environment hating Monsanto, who just bought the Bowdoin Organic Garden with $4 found on the floor.

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