Category: Bowdoin

President Rose’s Spotify Playlist Features Travis Scott, Post Malone

by JACOB BASKES October 9, 2019

On Wednesday morning, the student-run Bowdoin Entertainment Board announced new “campus celebrity” playlists to improve its interactions with the student body. This week’s featured guest is President Clayton Rose, whose top picks include Travis Scott’s “HIGHEST IN THE ROOM” and Post Malone’s “Sunflower”.

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Student runs for BSG on platform of platforms: More elevated surfaces on which students can dance

by HADLEY JEVON Oct. 7, 2019

Many candidates for BSG positions promise cheaper laundry and more Gucci Mane in college house basements. First year Gretta Yump, on the other hand, went above and beyond in her efforts to make Bowdoin a more welcoming environment by advocating for more elevated surfaces for students to dance on. 

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Trump Impeachment Similar to Weekend Hookup: Came Too Fast and Can’t Wait for Things to End

by LIA KORNMEHL Oct. 2, 2019

No one was surprised when, after a few moments of grunting, pushing, and eye rolling, Nancy Pelosi announced a formal impeachment inquiry concerning President Donald Trump’s call with the Ukrainian president. 

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Due to budget cuts, demonstration fire burns down Dudley Coe

by WILL HAUSMANN Sep. 23, 2019

Bowdoin College and the Brunswick Fire Department partnered last Wednesday to host a demonstratively smoky and less demonstrative demonstration fire on the Coe Quad. While the fire’s biggest success was asphyxiating everyone in Moore trying to sleep through their 11:40 class, most students seemed nonplussed by the fire, expecting something bigger, hotter, and more fiery. Luckily for the College, the fire “accidentally” engulfed Dudley Coe, a building that had been slated for demolition in 2020.

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Student Accidentally Joins HandJob

By PATRICK LYNOTT Sep. 19, 2019

The recent launch of Bowdoin’s partnership with Handshake, a community-based site for job postings and networking, has provided a venue for many students to connect with potential employers.

For one unfortunate student, however, the process has been a little less gratifying. Jebediah Sprout, class of ‘21, told the Harpoon that he had trouble identifying the correct URL. Citing “an inability to read effectively and a frank reluctance to learn,” he instead found himself perusing an adult website.

“It must have been autocorrect, because I would never associate myself with such a demeaning website,” said Jebediah, who somehow also managed to enroll himself in a yearly plan on the adult website. “That kind of stuff just isn’t me. My intention was to learn how to network and connect with alumni, not scroll through thumbnails of people spanking it. And by ‘it’ I mean a pale Bulgarian prostitute with breast implants.” 

Sprout, who is obviously a liar with no interest in being employed, says his thoughts about joining Handshake and his future are complicated: “On one hand, having a job would be great, but on the other… is my own penis. Do you see what I’m saying?”

Sprout can often be seen in sweatpants, sitting in the back of each of his classes, dimming the brightness of his laptop any time someone looks over at him, claiming he just doesn’t want others to see his “professional network.”

Stowe Inn Brings Forth Proposal for “Stexit”

By JACK SHANE Sep. 18, 2019

Inspired by the United Kingdom’s tumultuous withdrawal from the European Union, the students of Stowe Inn have decided they’ve had enough. In a recent press release, a quorum of students living in the already geographically isolated Stowe Inn have proposed a so called “Stexit,” which would end their current economic relationship with Bowdoin College. 

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7 Things Randy Didn’t Tell the First Years During the Mandatory Safety Meeting

by LIA KORNMEHL Sep. 16, 2019

This week, first years were treated to hour long conversations with Randy Nichols, Bowdoin’s revered Executive Director of Safety and Security. He covered a wide range of topics, including safe drinking, fire safety, and his extensive experience with law enforcement. However, some students just weren’t satisfied after the mandatory sit down. We know, you have more questions that Randy and the 36 MyStudentBody questionnaires didn’t get to. So, in no particular order, here’s what Randy didn’t tell you on that unseasonably hot Wednesday night.

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