‘Occident’ Released, Bowdoin Orient Drops to 3rd Best Campus Satire Publication

By THE REAL JACOB BASKES May 12, 2018

Each year, the Bowdoin Orient releases its attempt at comedy, publishing an eight-page collection of all of the jokes they manage to think of throughout the year. Despite the anticipation surrounding the 2018 edition, released this past Friday, the official vote has now dropped the Orient from second to third place on the list of Best Campus Satire. Continue reading “‘Occident’ Released, Bowdoin Orient Drops to 3rd Best Campus Satire Publication”

Girl Who Wished You Happy Birthday on Her Instagram Story Couldn’t Care Less

By PATRICK LYNOTT May 11, 2018

Your birthday came and went, but this year more people seemed to care than ever. For that, you can thank the creator of Instagram, or whatever soulless, corporate mannequin decided that you needed to see the picture your old camp counselor was unsure about posting for real. Continue reading “Girl Who Wished You Happy Birthday on Her Instagram Story Couldn’t Care Less”

“I Know You Just Touched on This, But…” Says Student About To Literally Repeat What the Professor Just Said

By CHRISTIAN FILTER May 7, 2018

Multiple sources have confirmed that during a section of Anthropology 1101 last week, sophomore Isabelle Mack prefaced her discussion comment by saying “I know you just kinda touched on this, but,” before repeating nearly word-for-word what the professor had literally just said. Continue reading ““I Know You Just Touched on This, But…” Says Student About To Literally Repeat What the Professor Just Said”

I Didn’t Earn a Bachelor’s Degree in Education and Take the Teacher Certification Test Just to Become a Teacher

By DAVID FIX May 2, 2018

I did not put myself through years of college for a major in Education, study for months before finally passing the Teacher Certification Test, and apply for teaching positions at ten different schools just so that I could end up becoming a teacher. Teachers hardly earn a livable salary, so I have to find other odd-jobs on the side like baking pastries at Panera Bread and selling coke. If only I could enter a higher-paying field, like orthodontia, but most people say that I’m too “unqualified” to be an orthodontist, yet somehow “qualified” to be a teacher. I just don’t get it. Continue reading “I Didn’t Earn a Bachelor’s Degree in Education and Take the Teacher Certification Test Just to Become a Teacher”

College House Initiations Painfully Devoid of Cloaks, Blood, Sacrifice

By BROOKE VAHOS Apr. 25, 2018

Last Friday were the long-anticipated initiations for next year’s batch of college house members. These events, which were alleged to be filled with cloaked figures, candles, sacrifices, and pentagrams, lacked any such paraphernalia. It came as a surprise for all the incoming members as rumors of hazing and sacrificial deaths during the events were reported from current house members. Continue reading “College House Initiations Painfully Devoid of Cloaks, Blood, Sacrifice”

BSG Election Recalled After Unnamed Dot Wins Executive Committee Position

By JACOB BASKES Apr. 23, 2018

The Bowdoin Student Government sent out a campus-wide email last night announcing the recall and rescheduling of the Executive Committee elections. Inside sources tell us that the problem involves the election of a blank dot over sole Chair of Student Affairs candidate Ben Painter. Continue reading “BSG Election Recalled After Unnamed Dot Wins Executive Committee Position”