It’s been a minute since I’ve seen my buddy Jack “Jiggins” Higgins. Where’s he been? Come to think of it, a lot of my buddies are missing. Lowkey like half the junior class. Where they at? Someone should really look into this. I miss the laughs. I miss cracking open a few brews with my buddies on a Thursday night. I also miss cracking open a few brews with my buddies on Wednesday night. And Tuesday night if Jiggins is having a good week. I miss all the ruckus in HL—the clownery ratio is all off. I miss the nights when everyone would cover themselves in shaving cream. I miss the friends I love.

I tried to talk to Italian Studies Professor Alejandro Cuadrado about this but he wasn’t of much help because I don’t speak Italian. Philosophy Professor Max DuBoff stared deep into my eyes and asked me what it means to categorize something as part of the junior class and whether our existence precedes our essence. This is shaping up to be one of the great mysteries of our age, right alongside what sank the Titanic or who built the Empire State Building. It’s extra tricky because some of the best sleuths in the junior class, including Posie “The Nosy” Cabaniss, are also missing. So I really don’t know where to turn. And on top of all that, I’m going abroad next semester. So if we don’t get to the bottom of this soon I might not get to hangout with my buddies at all.