By PAUL GARLICK Mar. 3, 2017
Local stoner Bud Baker has become the first ever person to successfully time travel. Unfortunately, he was unable to return after becoming stuck in moment.
Todd Toker, Baker’s closest friend and smoking partner, said, “Man, it was like, Bud was there, and then, it was like, he wasn’t there, and then, he texted me later like, ‘Woah dude. I’m totally, seriously just like floating in the moment dude, it’s like everything’s just frozen in the now.’ And I totally responded like, ‘Woah dude……… coooool.’”
In response to the incident, the United States has assembled a task force of the country’s most renowned physicists in an attempt to successfully bring Bud back to the present. The leader of the team stated, “We honestly have no damn clue how this guy figured out how to time travel. Many of our men have been conducting extensive research for decades, and none of them have even come close to cracking the secret of time travel. It’s mind-blowing. He’s most likely stuck in the moment for good. I guess that’s what he gets for doing those damn hippy drugs.”
When asked about the incident, Baker’s mother said she would miss her son, but is glad he isn’t around to steal her pot anymore.