The Question We’re All Asking About Syria: Where is it?

By JACOB BASKES Apr. 25, 2017

Syria has been all over the news lately. But with so much conflicting information clogging our airwaves, it’s tough to figure out exactly what’s happening. So, let’s address the question we’re all asking about Syria: where is it?

The unfortunate truth is that we’re not quite sure.

The Question We're All Asking About Syria
                     Where are you, Syria? You wily little minx, you.

Depending on whom you ask, it could be in space, hiding, or all around us. In an era of politically divided news sources, where you think Syria is really depends on who you voted for in 2016. For that reason, we’ll start to answer this question by listing where we know it’s not.

For one, we know that it’s not in the basement fridge. While we don’t know exactly how big Syria is, we do know that there are at least three people in it, and the fridge only holds two. We can also be fairly sure that it’s not in the Middle East, because that would just be silly. The Middle East has enough shit going on already, so we won’t burden it further by just throwing Syria right into the middle of it.

Even though we haven’t figured out exactly where Syria is, we’ve deduced enough to move into more complicated questions, like, “Who lives there?” and, “Why does the U.S. feel the need to diminish the importance of civilian casualties caused by our country’s airstrikes aimed at eliminating terrorist headquarters?”

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