September 2025
- Rollback DEI in your friend group
- Feel unwelcome in Buck basement
- Act like you’re better than your friends for not going abroad.
- Get stuck in your hammock and emerge a beautiful butterfly come spring.
- Set up a camera on the quad for the first snow
- Write an OpEd for the Orient that no one will read or care about
- Write an article for the Harpoon that’s so offensive it causes someone else to write an OpEd for the Orient that people actually do read and care about
- Join club basketball and get rimmed in multiple ways
- Prolong your inevitable demise
- Bong rip in the Chapel
- Get recircumcised
- Lose yourself spiritually but also to the music
- Regrout the Osher 1st bathroom
- Bring balance to the force
- Lick every surface of Bax basement
- Give up on the dream
- Meet with Balkan shaman Sßövdn in the Albanian Alps and realize that the dream is still alive
- Mow down 3 first years on their way to Thorne with your bike
- Destroy the sith
- Lose your virginity to Broccoli by DRAM ft. Lil Yachty
- Lose your virginity to a broccoli
- Try every chutney. Life’s too short.
- Change your sheets
- Use your influence as the BSG First Year Rep to bring back COVID mandates
- Be at home in all lands and all ages
- Start beef with a vegetarian
- Become the ultimate authority on the circumcision debate
- Debate the ethics of circumcision with visiting philosophy professor Max DuBoff
- Enroll in the United MileagePlus program
- Earn platinum status on United Airlines
- Apply for the United Explorer Card
- Bong rip in the Chapel
- Serve your country
- Protest discrimination against Christians
- Spend the night in every first year brick
- Be the first Christian to sing the national anthem at the Bowdoin Colby hockey game
- Be the first Christian to join ultimate frisbee
- Be the first Christian to join an a Capella group
- Apple air tag your professor’s spouse
- Name a woman
- Bong rip in the Chapel
- Gut the Green New Deal
- Split a 5×5 U-Haul unit with 10 of your closest friends
- Take another crack at that Res Life Union, maybe it’ll be different this time!
- Be the person at the party to accidentally turn on the lights
- Lie to security while completely plastered
- Actually marry your Marriage Pact
- Count Nature a familiar acquaintance, and Art an intimate friend
- Take a piss in the lemonade at Lobster Bake
- Swing off the jumping bridge
- Join the Harpoon!
The Bowdoin Harpoon 