Bowdoin Student Goes Entire Day Without Wifi Trouble

by DAN RALSTON Oct. 28, 2019

Miles Uplook ‘20 admits that she has never been the ‘cool athlete’ or the ‘crunchy English major’.  “I live a quiet life, and honestly until yesterday, nothing remarkable had ever happened to me,” said Uplook.  But, on October 27th, Uplook became the first student in recent Bowdoin history to go a day without any Wifi troubles.   

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Trump Moves Troops to Wisconsin to Protect Cheese Curds

By WILL HAUSMANN Oct. 22, 2019

After Trump’s withdrawal of troops from Northern Syria was decried by high level diplomats, Trump’s own mother, and even Kermit the Frog, the President announced that the troops would be relocated to military bases across the state of Wisconsin. This questionable military policy is allegedly to protect and support our “allies and dear friends, the Cheese Curds.”

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President Rose’s Spotify Playlist Features Travis Scott, Post Malone

by JACOB BASKES October 9, 2019

On Wednesday morning, the student-run Bowdoin Entertainment Board announced new “campus celebrity” playlists to improve its interactions with the student body. This week’s featured guest is President Clayton Rose, whose top picks include Travis Scott’s “HIGHEST IN THE ROOM” and Post Malone’s “Sunflower”.

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Climate Activist Greta Thunberg Spotted Using Plastic Straw

by HOLLY LYNE October 8, 2019

BREAKING NEWS: From an undisclosed whistleblower in New York City, the Harpoon has been informed 16-year-old climate activist Greta Thunberg was spotted drinking a Frappuccino out of a plastic cup and straw. Thunberg allegedly enjoyed her grande vanilla bean coffee while leaving the UN Climate Summit on September 23, where she reminded Republican politicians that driving cars is a dirty joke, but sailing across the ocean is woke. 

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Student runs for BSG on platform of platforms: More elevated surfaces on which students can dance

by HADLEY JEVON Oct. 7, 2019

Many candidates for BSG positions promise cheaper laundry and more Gucci Mane in college house basements. First year Gretta Yump, on the other hand, went above and beyond in her efforts to make Bowdoin a more welcoming environment by advocating for more elevated surfaces for students to dance on. 

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JUUL Denies Breast Milk Pods Targeted at Infants

by THEO DANZIG October 4, 2019

JUUL labs was embroiled in controversy this past week, amid claims that its newest pod flavor, Breastmilk, is targeted toward infants. The FDA has sought to ban the breastmilk pods, claiming that their primary consumers are babies. JUUL’s lawyers argue that the breastmilk pods are intended for nicotine users of all ages.

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Trump Impeachment Similar to Weekend Hookup: Came Too Fast and Can’t Wait for Things to End

by LIA KORNMEHL Oct. 2, 2019

No one was surprised when, after a few moments of grunting, pushing, and eye rolling, Nancy Pelosi announced a formal impeachment inquiry concerning President Donald Trump’s call with the Ukrainian president. 

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