By JACOB BASKES Nov. 2, 2016
We’ve all had our struggles with dining hall food, so check out these five ways to make the most out of your meal, but also take note of the lack of attention put into these pictures of the National Treasure himself with forks instead of hands.
1. Try this tongue-tingling tomato trick
This little recipe is a must when you have fresh tomatoes on hand. Fill a small bowl with cherry or grape tomatoes, then add a dash of olive oil and a big pinch of salt. Toss until the oil and salt are distributed evenly, but make sure you notice how terribly these two forks are just popped right onto those meaty paws.
2. Make your own panini with items from the salad bar
Here’s one for the picky eaters who can’t handle a plain grilled cheese. Grab two slices of hearty artisan bread and stuff ‘em full with sliced meats, cheeses, dressing, and some veggies from the salad bar, but also try not to cry at the clear lack of effort put into photoshopping Poseidon’s utensil onto the meat fingers of the greatest actor of our time.
3. Ask the guy behind the counter for the special of the day
This one’s a bit trickier to execute. Some days, you can secretly ask the man behind the buffet for today’s special. Only on certain days will you get the prize, but please, these pictures are getting old. It seems that no one can convincingly replace my uncle’s hands with these metal prosthetics.
4. Turn your dining hall experience into an eleven course meal
Do you have the time? Then make sure to grab an infinitesimally small amount of each of the dishes being offered at the buffet and place it on a very large plate in an artful manner. By your eleventh time making the trip to the dining hall, you may be hungry enough for dinner, but not hungry enough to ignore the pure disgrace that is this shamefully altered photo.
5. Just eat it
Your dining hall food has consistently been rated the best in the country, so just eat the damn stuff. You literally have mussels every other week and three prepared salads a day, so just forget about this whole list, except for this disgraceful example of “art,” in which there was clearly no care in representing the moccasined actor in his natural repose.