By ETHAN BEVINGTON Nov. 1, 2016
It’s me, Nature. You know, the one you never stop talking about with all your friends. I really don’t know how to approach this since it’s a little awkward for me, but we need to talk.
Everyone knows how much you love me, but I’m just not there yet. All the, “I’m in love with nature” and, “I just want to be out in nature right now” is really overwhelming. You’re smothering me and I can’t take it any longer. I think it’s best that we just be friends right now.
This doesn’t mean we still can’t hang out! You can keep using me to justify not showering or feeling like you’re better than that guy in your history class who didn’t recycle that one time. You can even write in Bernie Sanders for president if it somehow makes you feel close to me.
I’m sorry this is so abrupt. Maybe it’s the general warming of the Earth, but I just feel like we should let things cool down.
Take care of yourself,