Cyber Terrorist Manages to Get Help in Apple Store

By ETHAN BEVINGTON Nov. 21, 2016

Russian cyber terrorist Peter Prokofiev baffled US officials today after he entered an Apple Store with an issue and left having actually resolved it.

“I kept having issues with the lock screen on my phone,” said Prokofiev. “It was really frustrating because I get most of my anti-capitalist pig missions through text. The guy who helped me was really nice. The whole thing only took about ten minutes.”

Cyber specialists have spent hours analyzing the footage from Prokofiev’s visit, but have been unable to replicate his experience. “This is some high level shit,” said one programmer. “I’ve never seen someone with this kind of technological mastery. We should all be a bit worried.”

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