We Made Fun of Burnett House and Hurt People’s Feelings, So Here are Four Okay Things About it

By JACOB BASKES Dec. 3, 2016

Earlier this year we published an article making fun of Burnett House and some of the residents got offended, so here are the four decent things we could think of about Burn because we guess we’re sorry?

1. The spiders are always open to political dialogue

One thing that we think is just OK about Burn is that the spiders around the house are always willing to talk politics with you, election season or not. There are lots of them, so you better be up to date on your policy. They know all kinds of stuff about how cool Jill Stein’s platform is. Cool, we think?

 

2. The sticky floor is great for making eggs stand up straight

Some people think it’s kind of cool that you can get eggs to stand up straight just by sticking them to floor in Burn. We don’t know why anyone would want to do this, but if you’re into upright eggs, the perpetually sticky floors in literally any room at Burn will be perfect for you. Amazing?

 

3. It smells like a zoo on weekends, which is cool if you like zoos but not exotic animals

Now this is one of the incredibly decent things about Burn: somehow, it manages to smell like a llama habitation on Friday and Saturday nights. Nobody really knows why, but it means that Burnett House is a great option if you’ve been craving the musty stench of matted alpaca hair and seal gloop, but don’t really feel like having to deal with an alpaca or a seal. Right on…?

 

4. Rodent occupants all go to bed at a reasonable hour

Anyone who has spent a night in Burnett House knows that the hordes of rodents that run through the walls usually go to bed by 11:00 PM. The pitter-pattering of furry little feet usually starts up again at 5:00AM, but hey, early to bed, early to rise, right? All in all, these rats are pretty dang considerate. Good job Burn, probably?

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