By SAM HALPERT Feb. 16, 2017

All 97 Bowdoin a capella groups are reportedly switching focus from ruining classic songs with their mouths to choreographing the rhythmic and tasteful arm movements necessary to compensate for a lack of instruments.

A capella connoisseur Steven Jackson noted, “While the singing is certainly a nice touch, it often distracts from the immersive experience that well-executed arm swinging and tastefully assembled J-Crew outfits provide.”

When asked for comment, head spokesman for Bowdoin a capella Amanda Roberts remarked, “Shoo wop, doo doo doooo wop, shimmy now yeah yeah yeaaaaah, shoobee doobee doo.”