I Am The Best Skier On The Mountain So Fuck You

By SAM HALPERT Sep. 12, 2017

Yeah, you heard me. I’m sick at skiing. You’re not as sick as me. Go fuck yourself.

Oh, did you not know I was sick at skiing? Don’t worry; I’ll talk about it all the time. I’ll talk about it loudly at the beginning of class so you can hear me. I’ll talk about it at the end of class too. If you’re lucky, the professor will even ask me to talk about it during class. I’ll do it even if he doesn’t ask. I’ll talk about it in the dining hall. I’ll talk about it when we’re having sex. I’ll even talk about it at my aunt’s wake.

I Am the Best Skier on the Mountain
                          Jesus Goddamn Christ, I’m so fucking rad

Now that you know I’m sick at skiing, let me be more specific: I crush it on a regular basis. I crush groomers. I crush parks. I crush backcountry glades that would make you cry and laugh and poop all at the same time.

Do I have a sweet GoPro? Yes. Do I get sweet footage of me crushing every run of the day? No doubt. Will I release a fire edit at the end of the season with kickass Skrilex mixes, excessive amounts of slow-mo, and an embarrassing amount of footage of me not being sick at anything? Fuckin’ right I will. Will I aggressively promote this mediocre content until you want to stab me? I’m not God so I don’t know, but bring it on.

I love danger.

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