By SEBASTIAN HERNANDEZ Sep. 28, 2017
Neighborhood dog Fido has determined that since the 2016 Presidential Election his life has remained largely the same, and also butts smell great.
Much like the rest of America, Fido watched the events on MSNBC from the porch, paws trembling, when Donald Trump marked his territory on the United States. “I was in a really ruff place,” barked Fido. “I was so mad at myself that I didn’t vote on account of me being a dog. I had to spend some time outside to do some thinking.”
But Fido claims his time thinking changed his view on the outcome of the election. He noticed his life is nearly the same as what it was before, with one small addition.
“I was really concerned about how would it affect people of color, LGBTQ people, those without voices, and all those historically oppressed by conservative male values. But then I realized I’m still a dog. I still get the newspaper every day. I still have my chew toys. I even noticed one more thing,” he added, “butts smell great.”
Fido reports that butts smell so great that much of his day is spent with his face right up against a person’s anus. “In life, you have to find the little things. I can’t control the way the world works, but what I can control is how far I can get up in someone’s butt.”
Fido has found solace in this new outlook on life. Most days, he can be found in his doghouse with his head up his own ass.