Trump Concerned About Hitting Head on Debt Ceiling


In a statement released earlier this week, President Trump alluded to his fear of hitting his head on the United States debt ceiling

“All these people around me keep telling me I should start worrying about the debt ceiling,” said Trump. “It must be so low if everyone is talking about it. I mean, I am tall. Very tall. Really, really tall. So I am at a very high risk of being hurt by a low debt ceiling. Very high risk.”

Trump Concerned About Hitting Head
Graphic by Arah Kang

“We’ve done all we can to explain to him that the term does not refer to a literal ceiling,” said a White House aide who spoke under the condition of anonymity. “Supply and demand graphs, metaphors, thought experiments. We even wrote and performed a puppet show, but we couldn’t get it under 45 seconds so he lost interest.”

“If I had been in charge of this ceiling, it would’ve been the highest ceiling this country has ever seen,” continued Trump. “It would’ve been a magnificent, soaring ceiling, just like the ceilings in my buildings. So high. Massive. No one would hurt.”

America remains on the precipice of default and undermining the credibility upon which the entire global economy rests.

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