By CHRISTIAN FILTER Nov. 8, 2017

Local man Richard Brown claims that he has found traces of Big Foot in a heavily wooded area just off the Harpswell Sound, but is reportedly unsure of the exact location of the female clitoris.

“I was out walking my dog in the woods the other day and I found these huge footprints in the mud,” commented Brown. “At first, I thought they must have been bear tracks, but I examined them a little closer and did a little research on the Internet, and figured that they were way too big. Now I’ve got a few questions: Is Big Foot living in these woods? If so, how long has he been here? Why has the government not told anyone about this? Also, where is the clitoris?”

Brown indicated that his search gave him more questions than answers. “What does the clitoris look like? Does it smell different? Do all women have one? Do I have one?” Brown plans on further investigating Sasquatch, as well as “hopefully” doing more “research” on female genitalia.