By DANIEL RALSTON Dec. 14, 2017

As winter break approaches, college students are getting ready to head home. Visiting home is a great time for students to spend time with family, revisit high school romantic relationships, and above all, brag about the amazing time they are having at college.

“Honestly, I’m pretty sure I’m gonna beat everyone this year,” said first-year Adam Sparkle. “I joined a bunch of rad clubs, I drink all the time, I get laid whenever I want, and always spend Saturdays with the boys. Or at least that’s what I’ve been rehearsing. I’m actually failing two classes, I’m still a virgin, and I think beer is gross.”

When Bowdoin senior Dafer Babboon was asked if she would be competing against friends, she responded “Of course! What else is there in life? I mean why else do people even have friends? They’re there so you can constantly cram it down their throats that you’re the best. That, and to view your snap stories.”

So, as the holidays approach, remember to be thankful that you have friends you can boast to and inevitably piss off.