Insecure Dad Reconnects with Angsty Daughter, Both Agree Dads Suck


After an estrangement of 15 years, 42-year-old dad and part-time Rick Moranis impersonator Willard Isaacson offered an olive branch to 16-year-old daughter and full-time asshole Kimberly Isaacson by agreeing that “dads suck.”

 The event occurred when Kimberly was totally psyched to go to the Modest Mouse concert at the State Fair. Her father explained that he was unable to take her because he had already made an appointment to get a colonoscopy. In response, Kimberly said “dads suck.” In response to Kimberly, Willard agreed and added, “More than you know.”

 “I was really grossed out at first, but I’m glad to know we can agree about something,” Kimberly said. “We hardly ever talk since I discovered rock’n’roll, but it’s nice to know that I can see myself in him. Though, it wasn’t as nice to see that much of myself in him at the colonoscopy.”

 “Hey, when you got an anus as inflamed as I do, you know that dads suck,” Willard said. “I just wanted to spend some quality time with my little girl, because we both know neither she nor I will be around forever. Just how much longer is exactly what this procedure will tell us.”

 The Issacsons wanted to state that this event serves as a classic example of a medical procedure bringing family together for better or for worse. The follow up appointment is scheduled for next Monday, and Willard plans for it to be the first time he tells his daughter he loves her.

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