By SAM HALPERT Feb. 26, 2018

The Office of Residential Life announced it will host a new College House panel in Baxter on pulling trig in an effort to promote safe drinking practices.

Director of Residential Life Jake Buckley commented, “Ideally, all of our students would be tanks before showing up to college, however we understand that that is not the case. This panel will hopefully prepare students to pound with the big dogs and handle their alcohol a little better. Woof woof!”

The panel’s mission is to unleash students’ drinking potential. The pamphlet to be distributed at the event explains that if students learn how to properly pull trig, they can double their brew intake in any given night.

“As opposed to yarfing like a total wimp, pulling trig affords you the dignity of intentionality,” noted Buckley, “Honestly, if you’re not pulling trig, what are you even doing with your life?”

The panel will be followed by a short lecture on healthy relationships with food, also to take place in Baxter’s living room.