By ETHAN BEVINGTON Sept. 19, 2018
Gerald West ‘20 has begun to contemplate pursuing a full-time career writing fiction after turning in his most recent resume to Career Planning.
“[Associate Director of Career Planning] May Watson told me I needed to emphasize the most interesting and challenging parts of my past work experience. The only problem is that most of my jobs have been pretty chill, so I’ve had to get creative,” said West.
“The summer I lifeguarded was pretty low-key. I sat in a chair in the sun, told some kids to stop hanging on the lane line, scored some girls behind the Snack Shack. Some moms too, but I don’t like to talk too much about that,” explained West from behind his 1920s-era typewriter.
“On my resume, I talked a lot about how I managed logistics, created schedules and taught CPR courses. In reality, I did do some logic puzzles, told a co-worker to show up on time once, and forgot to hand out fliers for the CPR course. So, it wasn’t totally false.”
“I think the hardest section to get right was my on-campus activities. I am on the Alpine Ski team, which is frankly hard to spin as an activity to begin with. So I’ve been writing about the solace you find with nature. How that stimulates the thought process and shit like that. I don’t know, I’ve been finding Thoreau pretty helpful.”
West released his resume to much acclaim last week. “We here at Career Planning pride ourselves on our resume review process,” Watson said. It is imperative to the future success of our students that they be able to mask the incontrovertible fact that most internships have no substance whatsoever and do little to prepare you for real work.”
Watson is not the only person who has noticed West’s excellent work. The Nobel Literature Committee in Stockholm, Sweden has even taken interest in his resume. They shortlisted him for their Prize following his internship offer from Barclay’s.
“He has really moved fiction as an art to an entirely new form,” said Alice Norwitz, a spokesperson for the Committee. “Moreover, his movement away from realism towards fantasy will impact the entire literary world.”
It’s rumored that Simon and Shuster has purchased the rights to his resume and is hoping to release his cover letter ‘demonstrating knowledge of and passion for the position’ in the coming weeks.