By Theo Danzig Mar. 1, 2019

The annual Mac-Quinby Cold War party is one of Bowdoin’s oldest and most esteemed traditions. Since the Yalta Conference in February of 1945, Bowdoin students have gathered every February to celebrate the long struggle between the world’s two superpowers.

However, we at the Harpoon believe the party can go beyond just dressing up in red tank tops and American flag bandanas. There are several improvements that ought to be made to give the Cold War party a more realistic Cold War flavor.

First, there should be random “Duck and Cover” drills throughout the duration of the party. Nothing says Cold War like instilling fear of imminent nuclear annihilation—who said intercontinental ballistic missiles can’t be fun?

Also, to really experience the Cold War, anyone who complains during the party should be forced to do hard labor out in the snow in a simulated Gulag. And to all the humanitarian naysayers, the Gulags couldn’t have been that bad—after all, the experience was so enjoyable that nobody ever left!

Finally, the alcohol drank should reflect Cold War values. As it represents the USSR, Mac should only serve Stoli, and being the USA, Quinby should only put out that greatest of American beverages: Natural Light. Only then will the spirits of the Cold War truly be imbibed by Bowdoin students.