Wi-Fi Crashes After an Influx of Insta and Snapchat Stories of the First Snow

by WILL HAUSMANN Nov. 18, 2019

After a peaceful few weeks without an email from the BSG Ad-hoc committee on Wi-Fi, it seemed as though Bowdoin’s Wi-Fi ailments were solved. Some students even reported the ability to watch a full episode of the Magic School Bus for their Biology class without ever having to turn off their Wi-Fi and then turn it back on. 

However, the mysterious basement folks at IT reported Wi-Fi problems returned on Tuesday, directly after campus received a shocking half-inch of snow. Precious Bandwidth, a member of Bowdoin IT noted a sudden change of Wi-Fi use the moment afternoon classes got out. “In addition to the usual sources of Wi-Fi use, Google, Pornhub, MySpace, and kremlin.ru, etc., there was a sudden surge of attempts to Instasnap and Snapgram,” Bandwidth reported. “Our network couldn’t handle the fact that LITERALLY, every student from south of New Hampshire felt the need to post a snippety snap of the snow on what they tell me is called their ‘story’.”

The Harpoon gathered reports from students shocked by the weather events on Tuesday. Keith ‘23, from Southern Florida, reported some initial confusion when he walked out the door of his dorm, exclaiming “I haven’t seen this much cocaine in my life!” Keith was quite dismayed to realize the actual makeup of the peculiar white substance. Jenny ‘20, from LA, tried to make a snow angel just like all her “northern” friends even though she has been here for four years and should know already that the first snow resembles falling icicles more than powder. Nevertheless, she was shocked to discover that the snow was, in fact, cold and wet. Jenny also revealed she hadn’t taken a science class since 9th grade. The Harpoon wishes her luck getting into Molecules of Life next semester.

To address the Wi-Fi issues, IT contacted Aruba, the suppliers of the faulty new routers. Aruba, as the name suggests, replied that they only work when it is warmer than 60 degrees.

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