50ish Essential Things to Do Before You Graduate

By THE BOWDOIN HARPOON EXECUTIVE TEAM

  1. Single-handedly heal the athlete/non-athlete divide.
  2. Join the underground fraternity.
  3. Build a stable relationship with your parents.
  4. Become a Sociology major.
  5. Disappoint your parents. 
  6. Get circumcised.
  7. Further disappoint your parents. 
  8. Lose yourself in the music, the moment.
  9. Pee in the mouth of every college house member.
  10. Join a club! Make it your entire personality. Become super fucking annoying about it. Call yourself Kierkegaard. 
  11. Watch a townie watch a movie from outside their window. If so moved, break in and sit down next to them. 
  12. Say your prayers!
  13. Heckle Bowdoin Hockey in the Moulton dark room.
  14. Commit voter fraud in the BSG elections. 
  15. Advocate for stricter voter ID laws in BSG elections.
  16. Have an extremely public and visceral religious awakening in the middle of the Chapel.
  17. See Football win. (Still waiting)
  18. Start your own Asian restaurant on Maine Street. 
  19. Complete the Senior Seven: hook up with seven seniors from the Thornton Oaks retirement community. 
  20. Complete the Bowdoin four: make-out with the four unvaccinated employees on campus. 
  21. Get uncircumcised.
  22. Regain your parents’ love. 
  23. Awkwardly touch feet with your professor under the bathroom stall.
  24. Pee on the Orient House.
  25. Start a small fire with potential next to the Orient House.
  26. Enjoy an a cappella concert.
  27. Realize 20 minutes later that you actually didn’t enjoy the a capella concert.
  28. Remind a 2024 and a 2025 that the College was better before they got here. Tell them that it’s their fault.
  29. Attend the Brunswick High Spring Gala.
  30. Get a stick and poke tattoo of a reallllllly cute flower 🙂
  31. Get your booster with the same needle. 
  32. Try to spend your Polar Points at the Bangor Cracker Barrel.
  33. Run to Simpson’s Point. Get tired. Call your friend to pick you up from Simpson’s Point. 
  34. Convince everyone that Mikey drowning on that two-man BOC canoeing trip was a freak accident. Bring that secret with you to the grave.
  35. Pull an all-nighter watching your roommates sleep.
  36. Fight the good fight: Fight against Big Poultry.
  37.  Sell out and get an internship with Big Poultry.
  38. Get dinner with your professor, then breakfast the next day.
  39. Take a nude with Randy at Ivies.
  40. Join Frisbee for two days.
  41. Join the Orient haha.
  42. Miss class. Have your mom write to your professor. 
  43. Get in a fight in the comments of a Bowdoin instagram post. 
  44. Get canceled on Twitter. 
  45. Get stung by a wasp in line at the Lobster Bake. 😦
  46. Swim in the biowaste at Bath Iron Works. 
  47. Figure out who Mike Ranen is. 
  48. Play spikeball on the quad. 
  49. Hate yourself for playing spikeball on the quad. 
  50. Go on a journey with a farm elf in the Bowdoin Commons. Discover the nuclear waste swamp. Drain it. Have the elf reveal his childhood secrets. Diddle the elf. 
  51. Go to the Health Center for a concussion, get told you might be pregnant.
  52. Join the Harpoon.

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