by NOAH SAPERSTEIN | May 17th, 2023

Blaine Stevens, the 73-year-old who has ran the Bowdoin Harpoon since the early 90s, has announced that she will retire at the end of this term. Stevens started at the Harpoon in 1987 as a janitor before the then-editors realized she had insane comedy potential. Rumor has it that she would always make little quips about washing and cleaning. She then worked as a staff writer where she enjoyed both popular and critical success for articles such as “Legacy Student ‘Honored’ to Pull Trig in Same Bathroom as Grandfather” and “New Study Finds That 100% of Dads Would Give Left Nut To Go Back to Summer of ‘83.” While often too scared to speak at meetings, her articles did all the speaking needed. She was subsequently chosen as an associate editor when tragedy struck. Little Miss Blaine was kicked off campus as the Covid-19 pandemic swiftly spread nationwide, killing thousands. 

“Without the Harpoon and Quinby House, I felt like my life was over. Like actually literally physically over,” said Stevens in an interview I conducted with her last week, “I literally cried and screamed and kicked and yelled.”

However, after taking 28 years away from the College to recover from the loss of literally missing 3 months of living in a college house, Blaine Stevens came back as strong as ever. Brimming with ideas she had slowly gathered over the multiple decades, Stevens quickly rose to the top of the Harpoon. In her junior year, she became Editor-In-Chief and created one of the most male-dominated staff the Harpoon had ever seen. There was nary a woman in sight. 

Under her leadership, The Harpoon went on a legendary run of publishing actually funny content. “I had literally never laughed at the Harpoon before,” said Bram Hollis, a frequent critic of the newspaper’s work, “But Blaine Stevens made my friend chuckle once so that must count for something.” Along with the other executive editors on staff, Stevens managed to make this sad mess of lonely first years funny. 

“When they came to me, they were pathetic, downtrodden, virgin losers.” says Stevens reflecting on her staff last year, “but under my tutelage, they have evolved into sigma superhuman Chads capable of basic social interactions.”

In all seriousness, Blaine means the world to all of us at the Harpoon. I speak for everyone when I say most of us would have never been so obsessed with this silly little club without Blaine’s enthusiasm, wit, and passion for satire. Over the time I have known her, she has spent countless hours writing, editing, and laying out articles. Simply put, without Blaine, a whole lot of what the Harpoon has achieved in the last few years would simply not be possible. While we are super excited to come back next year and make more satire with a new young staff, it just won’t be the same without Blaine Stevens at the helm.