SPENCER SUSSMAN

At last week’s pub trivia battle, a formidable group of five massive nerds easily defeated all the pathetic average nerds to claim the pub trivia title. The winning group of massive nerds, who go by team name ‘Making it Trivial’, displayed impressive knowledge of U.S. presidents, African world capitals, and the Olympic Games, while the teams composed of average nerds had friends and hobbies in high school. 

The winning team said their strongest categories are early Renaissance art, the Roman Republic, and Star Trek, while they struggle in areas like small talk, romance, and hygiene. The massive nerds answered 28 out of 30 questions correctly, missing only one question that asked what PBR stands for. The nerds also refused to answer a question mentioning ‘weed’ saying, “marijuana is an illegal Schedule I drug which has no place being even mentioned at an academic institution.” 

The only moment of concern for the massive nerds came on a question asking which year the first space station went into space. 

“We obviously all knew it was 1981 but our newest group member Jack  thought it was 1982,” said team leader Dominic Jones. “He will not be returning to Making it Trivial.” Bowdoin security announced Jack has gone missing and was last seen Thursday at 9pm being shoved into the back of an unmarked van. 

The massive nerds provided a team statement on their victory but it was boring so we didn’t really listen or write it down.