Bowdoin Football came back from a ten-point advantage Saturday to clinch a historic, winless season. In its first nine-game season of the year, the team has managed to lose every contest.
Saturday’s loss makes Bowdoin Football the most consistent team in the NESCAC. Amherst Football formerly held the distinction with a winning 16-0 record; however, Bowdoin’s loss to Colby means the team has gone 0-17.
“We get the same result every time,” Quarterback Derek Holloway said. “And that’s impressive. I mean, when you see Hockey play, you never know what the result will be. When you see us, you get what you expect.”
In order to maintain its historic record, the team will prepare for next season by cancelling all lifts and practices.
In an unprecedented move, a group of Eco-Representatives shut off the Brunswick’s power overnight in an effort to save large amounts of energy.
Monday marks one of the final days of Sustainable Bowdoin’s October Energy Competition, a yearly event that challenges students to shower less, refrain from washing their clothes for an entire month, or do anything that a normal person would want to do. This year, however, the competition was pushed even further when the organization broke into the local power plant and cut off the power completely.
Under the cover of a hurricane-like storm with 50 mph winds, the Eco-Reps cut off power for up to twenty thousand local residents, leaving many outside the Bowdoin community to suffer from Sustainable Bowdoin’s dictatorial agenda. One resident said, “I’m not really sure what to do now that I can’t dry my hair while watching Stranger Things and heating up water in the electric kettle in my extremely well-lit living room. It’s a real shame.
Students and professors alike enjoyed a day off from classes, postponing the inevitable reality of yet another painful week.
I know it’s super annoying, and you know I really hate to be that guy, but I kind of need you to send me that $5,000,000 right now if you haven’t already. So far I’ve only gotten money from Reed and the Schillers.
Again, hate to be that College President, but I’m actually spending a lot out of pocket currently, so if you could get it to me quickly that would really mean a lot. Ugh, I hate to even mention this because, like, you guys know I hate talking about money, but I took out a loan against some of those new treadmills in buck, and it’s really getting down to the wire here.
Also, someone left a green Nalgene in the basement of HL. It’s in my desk if you want to swing by and pick it up. Thanks!