By HUGO HENTOFF April 11, 2016

During his monthly privilege check, local man Terry Flanderson was horrified to discover a lump.

“Thank god I checked my privilege when I did,” said Flanderson. “The doctors say if I hadn’t caught the lump so soon, I might be dead right now.”

While public health officials advise every American to check their privilege a minimum of once a month, some patients are recommended to check even more frequently. “High-risk individuals — generally white, cisgender, men — should be checking their privilege once a week at the very least,” said Doctor Ron Phillips, a privilege specialist. “If these men also happen to be heterosexual or have an annual income of greater than $97,500, they should be checking their privilege multiple times a day.”

“Don’t end up like Taylor Swift or the Bowdoin Men’s Hockey team,” said Flanders. “If someone tells you to check your privilege, do it. Don’t wait until it’s too late.”