By HUGO HENTOFF May 18, 2016

The Hawthorne-Longfellow library will be hosting therapy dog fights to help Bowdoin students relieve stress during finals week.

“We realized that petting dogs just is not nearly as relaxing as watching them tear each other apart,” said head librarian Michelle Vick. “When I see the carefree smiles of Bowdoin students, hear them joyfully encourage a dachshund to rip out a golden retriever’s throat, I can’t help but smile.”

“I was really anxious about my chemistry exam,” said one student, “but when I saw that corgi get disemboweled, the stress just melted away.”

Since the commencement of the therapy dog fights, stress levels of Bowdoin students have dropped 95%, test scores have risen 78%, and pet adoption has increased 456%.

Image Source: http://www.forbes.com/sites/kristintablang/2016/02/03/uber-puppies-super-bowl-puppy-bowl-xii/#3fc8eee92994