Single Man Spends Nights Alone Furiously Mastering Sudoku

By JACOB BASKES Feb. 28, 2017

Without a significant other to spend his time with, area man Eric Allen has been spending his nights alone in bed doing what any other single man would do — furiously mastering Sudoku.

While men in relationships often spend their nights becoming intimate with their partners, single men like Allen typically resort to activities that they can do alone, such as mastering Sudoku with a vigor that would shock anyone who would have happened to witness him. Allen has assured his family and friends that this is, “just a phase,” and that once his love life takes a turn, his mastering of Sudoku will become less furious and far less frequent.

Critics have argued that repeatedly practicing Sudoku could lead to unrealistic expectations for other puzzles, such as crosswords and word searches. Despite claiming to practice nightly and for hours on end, Allen has rebuffed suggestions that he should cut back. “Besides,” he added, “I usually finish my puzzles pretty quickly, giving me just enough time to masturbate.”

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