By JACK ARNHOLZ Apr. 8, 2017

The Bowdoin Office of Admissions announced this week that they accepted 13.4% of applicants to the Class of 2021 – the lowest acceptance rate on record. The self-acceptance rate, however, has fallen even lower.

“I was so excited to brag about the 13.4% acceptance rate to my friends at home,” said Jared Adler ’19. “But, I still feel a cold emptiness inside me. Sometimes I drive by myself to Harpswell and blast Alanis Morissette. Do you want to read some of my poetry?”

Peter Madden, director of Admissions, when asked if he was worried about the low self-acceptance rate, responded, “Of course not. How would we get the word out about the low college acceptance rate if we had kids with high-self esteem?”