By CHRISTIAN FILTER Apr. 22, 2017

In honor of Earth Day, we’ve decided to compile a list of five simple things you can do in your everyday life in order to have a positive impact on this beautiful planet we live on.

1. Take a tree out on a date, but politely refuse its sexual advances

What better way to help out good ol’ Mother Nature than to take the nearest tree out on a date? Put on something nice, take it to the local fancy restaurant, and make sure to pick up the bill. Afterwards it might insist that you go back to its place for some coffee, but politely refuse and and say you’ll call it tomorrow. This way, you’ll maintain the tree’s interest without playing all of your cards.

2. Vomit less.

Studies show that 80% of air pollutants are from human vomit. So, do the Earth a solid and try to throw up less often. Whether this means holding off on that extra shot of tequila, or passing on that funnel cake before the roller coaster, try doing whatever it takes to keep the vomit inside your body.

3. Paint a greenhouse red.

Everyone has heard about the dangers greenhouse gases pose to the atmosphere. They’re bad and they can alter the Earth’s natural systems. In order to combat them, you should try and paint your local greenhouse red. No one has ever heard of redhouse gases harming anything!

4. Use reusable rabbits.

This one is both good for the environment and cost effective! It’s no secret that everybody keeps rabbits in their sock drawer to sniff occasionally.  But how about using reusable rabbits that you can sniff multiple times? Disposable rabbits are wasteful and bad for the environment; you throw them away after only one sniff! If everyone switched over to reusable rabbits, we’d see big changes in our environment. Mother Earth will thank you for it and so will your wallet!    

5. Travel only by razor scooter to reduce your carbon footprint.

Reducing our carbon footprint is essential to helping the environment. Some experts have suggested wearing different shoes to reduce your footprint, but we think you can go further. Why walk and leave any tracks at all? Riding around on your razor scooter is a double win: you won’t leave any footprints and you’ll look super cool!