College To Replace Shower Floors in First-Year Bricks With Just Pubic Hair


Earlier this week college officials announced that, starting in the fall of 2017, the tile floors in the first-year dorm showers will be replaced with a thick layer of miscellaneous pubic hair.

“This decision came after many hours of deliberation,” said a spokesperson for the College. “The current tile floors were very expensive, and they were already covered in a heavy coat of students’ pubic hair—so this solution is both cost-effective and sustainable.”

When asked about the sturdiness of the new surfaces, officials said that there would not be a problem as the pubic hair will be held together with plenty of semen provided by both the College and first-years who haven’t yet synced their roommates’ class schedules to their masturbation schedules.


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