By CHRISTIAN FILTER May 23, 2017

First-year golf player Brad Adams recently expressed his disappointment in the lack of hazing he received throughout his first year at Bowdoin. In the past, the College has severely punished teams caught in hazing scandals, which has prompted teams to end the practice for the most part. However, Adams says he wishes he had been hazed. To replicate the missed experience, he forced himself to drink his own urine.

“The year is pretty much over and I’m super bummed that no one ever hazed the shit out of me,” commented Adams. “No elephant walks, no sodomy via obscure objects, nothing. So I forced myself to drink my own urine. It sucked, but I really feel like one of the boys now.”

When asked if he would haze next year’s freshmen, Adams said, “Dude, c’mon. The proper term is ‘first-year.’ The word, ‘freshman’ is outdated, promotes exclusivity, and insinuates a social hierarchy within the student body. But yeah, they’re gonna be hazed out of their fuckin’ minds.”