By CHRISTIAN FILTER Nov. 2, 2017

Last weekend, many parents travelled to Bowdoin to visit their son or daughter. One such student, first-year Sarah Griffith, reported that after a pleasant Friday of showing her parents around the quad, going to dinner at Frontier, and even spending a little time at a College House party, she was sexiled by her parents late Friday night.

“I came back to my dorm to find a sock on my door,” Griffith said. “At first, I thought it was my roommate, but then I checked my phone and saw I had a text from my mom saying, ‘We need the room.’ I have washed my sheets everyday since then, but I still don’t like sleeping in them.”

“We had a really nice time visiting Sarah,” commented Mrs. Griffith. “We felt a little bad for sexiling her, but, hey, we had to relive our college days. Also, we’ve been fucking nonstop since she left for college so I guess it’s just a force of habit, you know?”

Sources say that Griffith’s parents were not planning on sexiling her, but after having a few Natty Lights and hearing “Ignition (Remix)” by R. Kelly in a sweaty College House basement, there was nothing that could stop them.