By LIAM JUSKEVICE Dec. 4, 2017

The first-years who came into Bowdoin thinking that they had unique and exotic tastes in music have just had to face the cold truth: everyone else gets those Spotify recommendations, too.

“I grew up believing I was somehow unique, like a snowflake distinct among snowflakes, unique in each way you can see. Everything changed when I met some kid who likes Weezer too. Now I don’t know what to do with my life. I’ve lost my sense of self-worth. It pains me to have the same taste as the phonies,” said first year Lian Luskevice.

Luskevice has decided that he needs to listen to more obscure artists to prove his intellectual superiority since his grades definitely won’t fill that role. He has decided to drop Weezer and listen to Joanna Newsom instead: “’Grope at the gate of the looming lake that was once a tidy pen,’ is like, the most poetic thing ever. You know the problem with Bowdoin? All of the plebes here don’t get real poetry. They wouldn’t know real art if it slapped them in the face. But I’m different. I’m different. Yeah. I. Am. Different. I am so damn original,” proclaimed Luskevice while thumbing through the inventory of a record store in Portland.

Luskevice is not the only one who has lost a reason to feel special. Distinguished first year Eduard Xavier IV had a similar experience. “I was raised on the mean streets of Darien, Connecticut. The people over there, or should I say sheeple, like to listen to garbage like Justin Timberlake or whatever. But I’m different from all of them. I refuse to listen to a song that doesn’t feature a sitting politician in it or at least include some reference to the Spanish Inquisition—that’s real art. Then I met some kid from just outside of Boston who felt the same way. It was quite heartbreaking. We have bonded over our shared love for Lee, Harvey, and the Oswalds. You should feel bad about yourself if you don’t know who they are.”

After realizing that other people have heard of Weezer, Luskevice has had to do extensive research to find some cool tunes that no one else knows about. Luskevice came across some trendy Falklands War-themed jazz and will be culturing the rest of the student body live every Tuesday from 1 AM to 2 AM via his new WBOR show.