By BEN WONG Feb. 6, 2018

Local café Wild Oats has decided to open a new branch for Bowdoin students: Sexiled Oats. Annexed to the original Wild Oats, the shelter will provide free 24-hour beds, pillows, and entertainment to any Bowdoin student whose roommate can’t seem to stop fornicating while blasting “Bump N’ Grind” by R. Kelly on repeat. 
Wild Oats owners, lovers, and Bowdoin alumni Jill Oats ‘01 and Don Wilde ’04 developed this idea from their own beautiful love story, which Ms. Oats was kind enough to describe: “One night in the spring of ‘01, we both got sexiled and had nowhere to sleep. Naturally we both ended up crying in the Burnett House basement. I ended up locking eyes with Donnie through the wood splinters and haze of insulation hanging from the ceiling. We ended up fucking on that creaky old floor, and the rest is history.”
Sexiled Oats’ grand opening is scheduled for this coming Valentine’s Day – students needing a bed for the night will only be asked for their name, Smith Union box number, and the reason why they haven’t gotten any tonight.