By SUMMERS ASKEW Feb. 14, 2018

Prompted by Valentine’s Day celebrations, local mother of three Deborah Thomason stated today that “love is just a social construct manufactured by the greeting card industry to sell overpriced heart-shaped commodities to hopelessly vulnerable people all across the world.”

“Yeah, Mom sometimes gets like that,” said Timmy Thomason, Deborah’s eight-year-old son. “We try to say ‘I love you’ on the phone and stuff, but she keeps telling us we’re sheep in an unjust system. I don’t know what that means.”

Robert Thomason, Deborah’s husband of thirteen years, says her stance hasn’t affected their marriage.

“It makes Valentine’s Day really easy, I guess,” Robert said. “Sometimes I wish she would validate me emotionally and believe that her feelings towards me are more than just semienjoyable apathy, but I mean, I get it. I feel that way towards our middle son, Timmy.”

Love is not the only emotion with which Deborah is uncomfortable coming to terms. Thomason has yet to believe in happiness, trust, or contentment. She claims these emotions to be massproduced by “The System.”

“Show me a happy person and I’ll show you 80 reasons why they shouldn’t be,” she said. “Try me.”

Deborah is currently living her best life as a mother and wife, and experiences no problems dealing with others socially.