By SAM HALPERT Apr. 6, 2018

Last Thursday, a trio of smug English teachers from Brunswick High announced the grand opening of a new bowling alley in Cooks Corner. The literary-sporting venue will be named “Hyper-Bole: The Best Bowling in the World.”

While the trio has yet to step foot inside of an actual bowling alley, some members of the group have nearly died from excitement for the idea. Mrs. Coburn, one of the trio of troublesome teachers, and a graduate of Occidental College, is certain the alley will be a success.

“The “Hyper-Bole” will clearly be an appositive addition to the community and bring similes to the faces of all local bowlers,” she said. “People will be happy, like the population of Omelas.”

While Mrs. Coburn is hopeful, Mr. Tanney, another member of the trio, juxtaposes her view. He states, “Classic Oxy girl/ She thinks she is omniscient/ The market is full/ I hate arrogance/ More like an ‘oxymoron!’/ She should know her place.”

Infighting, however, has not stopped the group from remaining together, just like Odysseus’ crew before Circe turns them into swine.

By press time, the press was as sick as a dog of literary devices.