By AINE LAWLOR Oct. 31, 2018

[Content Warning (Not Satirical): This article features topics of sexual assault.]
BOO! Did I getcha? I’m the ghost of actions past, the monster hiding under the bed (or perhaps, unwillingly, on the bed), here to haunt white men for all the things they may or may not (but statistically very likely, in fact, almost 100%) have done.

Not scared yet? Just wait. When you hear that I’m holding men responsible for their actions you’ll shit your pants. And I know you’ll scream in horror when you learn that I am doing all of this simply by listening to women, WOMEN!
I know all you bros out there are wondering where I came from, all of sudden. It’s like I’ve been hidden away, lurking in the shadows, suppressed under a toxic and oppressive cloud of patriarchal rule that strangles and silences women’s voices and refuses to recognize sexual assault as a serious crime.

It is like we all live in this alternate universe (but in reality it’s not alternate at all) that ignores and abuses half of its population for no reason other than that they lack some dangly, anatomical John Malkovich between their legs… but hey, I’m a ghost, I don’t have any genitalia! I’m just here to scare entitled smirks off of white men’s faces.

Some people are so terrified of me they’re saying we need to “protect our boys” because they “have been perfect their whole lives.” And they’re right…except for the time when they grabbed a woman’s butt at a concert last week, or when they forced a girl to kiss them at a dance in middle school, or when they got super drunk and grinded on like six different girls at a college party, or when they raped a girl in high school while their friend stood in the corner and cheered them on,or when they blacked out and… Maybe they’re just blowing off steam. I mean it’s hard to get into Bowdoin, even if you are legacy.

I get it. It’s scary for white men of privilege to think that what they did in high school, or last week, could have an actual impact on their lives (who gives a shit about the lives of their victims) and that, brace yourself, their reputation could be hurt by their actions, for the “devil” is in the details, yikes!

It’s terrifying to think that these entitled white men could spend their whole lives working to get power, grinding 24/7 (mostly just on unsuspecting women, but also in the office), living in a world that systematically advantages them and is rigged in their favor, only to be accosted by some woman they non-consensually screwed when they were 18. But when a black 16-year old boy watches a cop kill his friend, he gets 30-years in jail… but I guess I’m off topic.

What kind of crazy mixed-up world is it when a woman’s word, clear evidence, multiple witness testimonies, and reliable character references mean something?
So yeah, I am quite frightening. But, hey dudes, if you haven’t done anything wrong there is no need to be afraid. In fact, I am confused as to why you’re so damn scared. Are you hiding something? Think maybe one of your victims might feel a little empowered and decide to share her voice? I can see the nightmares you’re having, filled with the images of young women you sexually assaulted and clips of those blurry nights, probably similar to nightmares many of these women have had for countless years (and told their therapist about).

So yeah, it’s me. I’m the reason white men are voting this Halloween as the spookiest yet. Put me in a haunted house and you’ll get so many screams you’ll think you were in a Supreme Court nomination hearing.

And the scariest part of it all is that tons and tons and tons of women could dress up just like me -they could wake up, get ready like the normally do, walk out the door, and be just as goddamn bone-chillingly scary to some dude as they were boner-inducing when he groped their ass back in high school.
It’s spooky season and you better #believewomen aren’t here to fool around.