By BROOKE VAHOS Dec. 5 2018

After a 7 hour hearing, the Student Activities Committee has announced their plan to revamp the Bowdoin 7 initiative. The Bowdoin 7 is an achievement that typically rewards those students who are too emotionally immature to build meaningful relationships. “The standard has been updated to favor students who can really lay the wood”, said Nate Hintz, director of Student Activities and certified baller.

The news broke when Jenna Scott ‘19 sent a campus wide email last Friday. In her email, written in rainbow-comic sans font. Scott declared the new standard a “step in the right direction.” Student Activities has been pioneering these efforts, backed by the support of the Pen15 club and Bowdoin Hockey. Opponents include the J-Board, who in a recent Op-Ed submitted to the Orient wrote, “Such calls for intergenerational love are unbecoming of Bowdoin students and are often indicative of thirst”. The Orient has made their disapproval known as well. Manager-in-Chief Snell Fitzpatrick said, “Upping the Bowdoin 7 to the Bowdoin 10 would make it harder to gain sexual validation”.

As Bowdoin’s admissions process has gotten more selective, the college has been fielding some absolute dimes. Expanding the Bowdoin 7 would let current students reap the benefits of their Friday night labor. Additionally, the college has been hiring more and more Post-Doctoral Fellows, making now the opportune time to smash.

Out of all of this, one things for certain, Bowdoin students are definitely asking for it.