by BROOKE VAHOS Jan. 31, 2019

This past Wednesday, the Bi-annual Student Activities Fair was held in David Saul Smith Union.

The night began with a slow, trickling in of timid first-years and seniors looking to finally find themselves. Most were too shy to express their interests in the Pen15 Club or Women’s Pleasure Group. This resulted in most of the attention to be directed towards more lowkey clubs, such as the Bumble Ambassador Coalition.

However, as the night went on, the traffic in the Union reached an unmanageable level. When people got wind of the Bowdoin Harpoon’s table, it was impossible to keep students away. Randy Nichols had to be called in to control the crowds of people. Eventually, with the help of riot squad, the Union reached a cool 400 occupants (most of whom were tabling for their own clubs).

The primary benefactor of these unprecedented levels of foot traffic was the neighborhood bodega: the Bowdoin College C-Store. Students needed Doritos, they needed turmeric ginger shots, and, most of all, they needed a massive bag of dried mangos to sit in their backpack for two weeks until they realize the mangoes are too hard to eat.

By the time the crowd had done its damage to the neighborhood, and the Union was left in absolute shambles. The only table left untouched was the Bowdoin Democrats. Amidst all the carnage, the proprietor of the C-Store sat atop his piles of cash.

These new levels of success will allow the C-Store to become a retail empire, with locations in L.L. Bean and the new Arctic Studies Center.