by SAGE KASHNER Feb. 20, 2019

On Friday, Security was called to Thorne to deal with an incident involving the Bowdoin’s Men’s Baseball Team. The team had reportedly formed a mob around one of the rookie players, chanting, “Traitor, traitor, traitor!” Fortunately, Security arrived before anybody was hurt, and broke up the mob.

Witnesses who saw the start of the incident report that first-year George Green had sat down at the window tables without a tray for his food. “I turned around because people were yelling, and there was this guy just frantically waving a tray in the air,” one witness recounted.

Another onlooker told the Harpoon that after security escorted all thirty of the baseball players out, broken plates remained scattered all over the floor, in addition to about three hundred cups of spilled water.

Head coach Mike Connolly refused to comment, but Green is no longer on the roster. In fact, he appears to have disappeared from Bowdoin entirely. “If he prioritizes the environment over a piece of plastic, he can’t play with us,” said sophomore Theo Smith, who asked to remain anonymous.

Here at The Harpoon, we wish George Green well in his new life in the Witness Protection Program.