Mass Hall a “Total Masshole” According to Other Academic Buildings

by FREDERICKA HIBBS Mar. 28, 2019

“Honestly, fuck that guy,” was Kanbar’s immediate response when asked to comment on Massachusetts Hall’s recent antics. And he’s not the only one—this sentiment seems to be a resounding consensus throughout all the campus constructions.

“At least you don’t have to look at him all day,” shot back Adams after hearing Kanbar’s complaint. “Such an attention-seeker,” added the VAC after seeing Mass’s recent Instagram coverage. “He literally gets all the press because of that ‘old New England’ thing he has going on, but his architecture is honestly so unoriginal, at least I’m unique,” continued the notorious eye-sore.

Hubbard Hall refused comment other than to say he was “far above those sort of dramatics.” He was later overheard telling Mass to “cut the shit.” “You see all these buildings they’re trying to tear down, do you want to go the same way as the Harpswell Apartments?  Get yourself back in line!”

The only remaining question seems to be why this sudden personality shift? Some say Mass has just gotten grouchy in his old age, but he has own explanation. “It’s totally unfair and not even really my fault,” he claims. He goes further to maintain that he has been a victim of bad influences. “If you had the entire Harpoon in your top floor for an hour every week, you’d start to get a little critical too. And don’t even get me started on those Peucinian pricks, gathered up there for hours at a time like some kind of cult, masquerading as dead philosophers. Excuse me for having ‘delusions of grandeur’ when that’s the kind of company I get.”

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