by HOLLY LYNE April 24, 2019
My freshman fall, I was so excited to meet the Peer Health representative for my floor. I thought he would be an integral part of my Bowdoin experience, keeping me safe from harm in my new home away from home. Little did I know, he wasn’t even a real doctor.
Continue reading “Why are there no doctors on Peer Health?”
by HOLLY LYNE April 22, 2019
It’s that time of year again. The basics are flocking to Salvo to buy tie-dyed outfits for Ivies, the sun is shining but the quad is still too soggy to sit on, and if you don’t have an internship yet, panic is setting in. Springtime has arrived in Brunswick.
Continue reading “Uglies and Fatties Banned from Senior Seven”
by MADDIE HIKIDA April 18, 2019
Are you upset that Dean Tim Foster is leaving because you didn’t make enough DTF jokes? Worry not! He’ll be running for President of the United States, just like everyone else.
Continue reading “Dean Tim Foster Leaving to Run for President, Just Like Everyone Else”
by WILL HAUSMANN April 15, 2019
The BSG elections closed last night to raucous ambivalence on the part of Bowdoin Students. Ural Mishra was elected president and some other people were probably elected to some other positions. Blank dot also had a very good night, receiving 630 votes all while running 5 campaigns. Some BSG members have suggested Blank Dot might be able to win a chair position next year with a more focused effort.
Continue reading “Lots of Unanswered Questions after BSG Elections, Rumors of Contested Results”
by WILL HAUSMANN April 14, 2019
After speaking with the candidates, the Harpoon has
compiled a comprehensive voter guide for the few of us out there who will
actually vote in the BSG elections this weekend.
Continue reading “The Harpoon Guide to the BSG Election”
by JACK SHANE
Not only has our beloved Bowdoin College begun a crusade against the physical manifestations of fire on campus, they have also begun attacking more philosophical forms of “fire,” such as my mixtape.
Continue reading “Bowdoin Confiscated My Mixtape for Fear of “Flames” and “Being Fire””
by HOLLY LYNE April 4, 2019
The dankest new wellness trend is blazing into Bowdoin: CBD. “The College is thrilled to announce that the beloved C-Store will be renovated and renamed the CBD-Store,” announced Director of Counseling and Wellness, Dr. Bernie R. Hershberger. “We have just begun remodeling the space and ordering a new inventory. The ribbon cutting ceremony for the brand new CBD-Store will take place on April 20 at 4:20 PM.”
Continue reading “C-Store Becomes CBD Store”
by FREDERICKA HIBBS Mar. 28, 2019
“Honestly, fuck that guy,” was Kanbar’s immediate response when asked to comment on Massachusetts Hall’s recent antics. And he’s not the only one—this sentiment seems to be a resounding consensus throughout all the campus constructions.
Continue reading “Mass Hall a “Total Masshole” According to Other Academic Buildings”
by THEO DANZIG Mar. 26, 2019
The Brunswick Police last week uncovered a massive enterprise run by the Bowdoin Chemistry Department to manufacture crystal methamphetamine. The Department had hired engineers to drill under the basement of Druckenmiller Hall and built a state of the art facility using equipment from their own laboratories.
Continue reading “Chemistry Department Caught Running Meth Lab”
by JACK ARNHOLZ Mar. 25, 2019
Hey, I’m sure you had a wild spring break hiking the Everglades, getting an individually tailored McGruff the Crime Dog costume, or finally obtaining the currently sealed Special Counsel Report on the Investigation into Russian Interference in the 2016 Presidential Election. But, guess what? I really don’t want to hear it.
Continue reading ““No, I Don’t Want to Hear About Your Spring Break or the Mueller Report””