by DAN RALSTON Sep. 13, 2019

Sophomore Ralph Deeps was feeling pretty good upon returning to campus after leading the Saddleback F BOC O-Trip. He was relishing in the superiority he felt over the eight first years on his trip, and he figured he would have at least one month on campus to bask in this false dominance.

“I was so excited to say ‘sup!’ to them while riding my longboard to my Searles 8:30,” Deeps wistfully recounted. “I was definitely going to call them out in MLR and make sure to give them all unwanted fist bumps in HL.” 

However, last Wednesday — the first day of classes — Deeps was shocked when he saw two of his “kids” laughing with some junior Men’s Soccer players. “The soccer guys were laughing and joking with them, and one of my kids even had a Bowdoin Mom hat on backwards. Like, how am I supposed to compete with that?”  

When pressed on how he planned to remedy the situation, Deeps had a simple response. “Get blackout when I throw them a pregame this Friday. Nothing says powerful and cool like pulling trig in a Mayflower shitter.”