7 Things Randy Didn’t Tell the First Years During the Mandatory Safety Meeting

by LIA KORNMEHL Sep. 16, 2019

This week, first years were treated to hour long conversations with Randy Nichols, Bowdoin’s revered Executive Director of Safety and Security. He covered a wide range of topics, including safe drinking, fire safety, and his extensive experience with law enforcement. However, some students just weren’t satisfied after the mandatory sit down. We know, you have more questions that Randy and the 36 MyStudentBody questionnaires didn’t get to. So, in no particular order, here’s what Randy didn’t tell you on that unseasonably hot Wednesday night.

  1. He told us to drink responsibly. But, if you’re already getting transported, you might as well do body shots with the paramedic.
  2. He told us that fire safety week is on the horizon. Make sure to set your fires before then to avoid confusion and general panic. 
  3. He told us to stop and think before smoking weed. We say, stop, drop, and roll.
  4. Using a blue light and getting help is as simple as pressing a button. It’ll cost you Polar Points, though.
  5. He told us not to run if we see a Brunswick Police car. Instead of running, challenge the officer to a game of rock, paper, scissors. If you win, the officer must immediately become your biggest fan.
  6. He told us about his experiences as a state trooper. He didn’t tell us that he’s actually ex-KGB. 
  7. He told us about a man who stole several MacBooks from a first-year dorm. No need to take safety precautions, though, first years. If you willingly bought a MacBook, you’ve already been robbed.

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