First Year Realizes That He Has No Real Friends During Dry Weekend

by GRACE CARRIER Sep. 23, 2019

As the third week of college came to a close, students finally saw the bright, shining faces of prospies around campus. Yet as the Admissions Office recruited new polar bears, the rest of us had to suffer through a Dry Weekend™️.

Although there was no alcohol last Friday night, naïve first-year George Shaw decided to make the most of the night anyways. He entered Baxter at 10 p.m. with his roommates and a guy who he shared a canoe with for four days without his phone. After grabbing some pretzels, he made his way into the 100-degree sweat lodge of the basement.

Although Shaw is a previously self-professed “dance god,” he only swayed back and forth and allegedly denied hitting the “woah” thrown to him by one of his roommates. “It was in that moment,” reflects Shaw afterwards, “that I realized I actually hate my roommate Paul.”

Next, Shaw endured a long, silent walk to Quinby with a group of acquaintances. In the kitchen, he grabbed a Natty Light—the sweet nectar of the freshman gods—then suddenly found himself cornered by a girl from his first-year seminar who asked, “Have you started the paper yet?”

When later asked about his social life at Bowdoin, Shaw remarked, “Most of the time I feel like people are either telling me about work I have to do or warning me about the winter.”

After singing along to “Mr. Brightside” ten times, Shaw’s group retired to Supers, where he scrolled through Instagram and zoned out while everyone said, “The food at Bowdoin is actually so good. Do you guys like Moulton or Thorne?”

After hurriedly finishing his mozzarella sticks, Shaw power-walked home before Paul even saw him leave Thorne. He arrived at Appleton at 10:45 p.m., ready to catch some ZZZs. “Well, that wasn’t great,” Shaw said to himself, “but at least I get to do the exact same thing when I go out tomorrow.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s